*Introduction*

Hello And welcome to my first blog session. 

The creation of this blog and all future blogs are my personal expressions, thoughts, feelings, and emotions.  This blog is not intended to disrespect, harm, or endanger the well being of anyone or anything. If something that you read captures you, enlightens you, or offends you. Please feel free to message me or respond via comment. I will do my best to Answer each and every one of you personally. Again. This is for personal experiences and expressions only. 

About Me

My name is Patricia Jane Aiello, I am a 28 Year old Mother of two. As of right now i stay at home and take care of my girls. I have a horrid time trusting day care, or " nanny's" they have proven to be ineffective and abusive to children. So my choice is to stay at home with them until they are able to care for themselves while I'm at work. I currently Live in Tiffin,Ohio With My husband David. He is a very hard worker who loves his family more then anything in this world. Hes a Gamer, a Great father, and my best friend. Without each other our world would crumble and the vast eternity of nothingness would engulf our very essence. I am in college to obtain my associates degree in Business Administration. I'm Also going through a program to help me become a nurse at our local city hospital. Our current goals are to save up enough to purchase our very own home. We (David and I ) have been through many trials and tribulations but as of right now we are happier than we have been in many many years. We desperately believe in letting nothing and no one stand in our way of happiness and love. In closing we are a typical American family with thoughts, dreams and ambitions. Striving for happiness, love, and the ability to live life to its' fullest. 

*Learning is a Never Ending Process*

These past few years has taught me so very much about life, acceptance, and Disappointment. Life seems to be a roller coaster that never stops. Its exciting, scary, and even mildly intimidating, but yet we stand in line for hours dealing with whatever comes our way just to capture a few moments of adrenaline. Sometimes We can't handle the ride, and other times we continue to go back for more. 

*The Infamous Rhetorical Question*

Why Me? 

So very many times i catch myself asking this question over and over again. My whole life i have had complications coming to terms with the things that have happened to me without reason. I understand that there is no end reason of why bad things happen but i look at the people around me and cant grasp the concept of why its better for them and so very hard for myself. 

*Background*

As far back as i can remember i have had many issues dealing with who i was as a person, and who i was meant to become. From an early age i had become to realize that i was definitely missing something. I wasn't sure  exactly what that something was but i could definitely feel something was amiss. The earliest memory i could recall is when i was about Six years old, It was my very first day of kindergarten. For most Children and parents this is a very exciting and stressful time in their lives. I remember feeling so alone, and abandoned as my mother walked out the door, leaving me to a whole new world unknown. Now i know what you might be thinking. Every child deals with this and its not really a big deal. But i believe that this is the first of many many years that i would feel this way. I ended up crying for half of each class for the first week. I wasn't having fun, or learning the way that i should have been. Most children come home with big gold star stickers, or glittery Smiley faces for jobs well done. I came home with frowned faces and letters to my parents requesting parent-teacher conferences. Believe it or not this had a huge affect on my life later on. I started to believe that i was stupid, That i was invalid as a person. and essentially a waste of time, energy, and effort. Elementary life wasn't much better. I received bad grades, and disappointment from everyone. I didn't have friends, it wasn't aloud with my parents. I was so young, and i had no one. My Parents were working to try to keep food in our bellies or consumed with their own thoughts, feelings, and emotions to pay me much mind. My sister and i rarely got along. and it had seemed that my whole family disowned me. I only went to one sleep over as a child to a friends house. and the whole time there i was made to feel like i was a plague. So i spent many hours alone in my room, or playing by myself. Finally the higher grades came. I was so excited for them to begin because i felt " This year will be the best year ever". I was older, and smarter. I was ready to capture the world well as much as any fourth grader can.. Well the first few days in fourth proved to be the beginning of the end for me. I ended up getting head lice severely. My mother tried everything from random food items, to oil, to kerosene. Anything that would get rid of the nasty little blood suckers. Because of my parents inability to rid me of the head lice, My hair got cut. Really really short. and not by a professional. So what could have been a really cute haircut turned into myself resembling a boy. Which started the ridicule from other students. I had also had the issue of wetting the bed . My parents punishment for wetting the bed was to be sent to school in the same clothes that i had wore the same night. Which made the ridicule twice as bad. Now i understand that every child must endure some type of ridicule from other children. But this became an everyday thing. The other children made fun of my clothes, my hair, the way i smelled, my glasses, they belittled me as a person. They made me feel like i was a gross incompetent waste, that they has to put up with because of school policy.  This crushes a child's spirit. I wanted to run away and hide. To pretend that i didn't exist. I started to fake illnesses just so i wouldn't have to endure anymore ridicule from my classmates. I wasn't understanding any of the work that the school was trying to teach me. So bad grades and disappointed teachers were the norm. I started to believe that there was no reason to even be alive. I was worthless. Unwanted, I was a horrible person who smelled badly, was poor, and constantly infested with head lice. I had no one i could talk to. No one i could turn too. and i was completely alone. I was so young and didn't know what to do... Fifth grade went along just like the rest of my elementary years have gone. I was getting partially used to the constant battle between my parents and i about school attendance. and the constant ridicule from my classmates. At the end of my fifth grade year i couldn't handle it anymore. so i begged my parents to switch me schools. So they did. They transferred me to a new school on the other end of town. I was shinning with happiness that summer. It was like i had a new start with life. I was going to do whatever it took to make friends. and to stop the nagging feeling i had endured for so very long. I was wrong. Apparently the children and parents  from the other schools had spoken about my transference and had already decided my fate. My first day at the new school and i was already the outcast. That whole year i was made fun of for the same things, and had to deal with people saying that i didn't belong in " Their" school. I did on the other hand i did finally make a few friends who i will never forget! Those people changed my life. They made me realize that i was someone. That no matter what i was not alone. Finally 6th Grade graduation came. The graduation was so beautiful. We had it in our classroom. and the ceremony was in the gymnasium of the school. They passed our diplomas to us. and everyone who had made fun of me was nice for a day. I was so very happy. I thought my hard times were over. I thought that of all the things that i have endured over the years was going to pay off. That summer was absolutely great. My parents rarely fought. and we did so many things together. My sister and i had built a strong, loving relationship and she was becoming my best friend. I had made friends at my new school, granted very few but i had someone. I had my second ever sleep over and it turned out perfect. My new friend walked around the town with me. She helped me have fun and be happy. I loved her for that! I had a best friend, a great summer, and now i was in junior high! I was at the top of my game. 7th grade here i come!!